Today is Mother’s Day, and I hate it. Yes, it’s complicated. There are many reasons for this that I won’t share. But, what hurts more is that Mother’s Day is celebrated at church where I should feel safe and loved; yet, Mother’s Day is like a yearly kick in the ovaries. Frankly, it just stinks to attend church on Mother’s Day. I often refer to it as the day of the “deification of mothers.” Mothers outshine Christ on Mother’s Day. It has become the day when we are reminded of all the cultural identities that we have attached to womanhood. It is a day when I really need the Jehovah’s Witnesses.
For those that don’t know or never had that weird kid in class that didn’t participate in the Valentine’s Day card exchange, Jehovah’s Witnesses do not celebrate holidays or birthdays because it takes their focus off God. That is a watered-down way to describe it, but it has a good purpose – to keep God first. Having watched enough month-long birthday celebrations on Facebook, I get it. This is a place where I think the Jehovah’s Witnesses have made a great theological choice. In particular, I refuse to celebrate Mother’s Day at church. In the parlance of modern social media, “I just can’t.”
As Brene Brown would tell you, women deal with a lot of shit wrapped up in motherhood or the lack thereof. Our culture has shamed women in every regard around motherhood. You have kids and work; you’re selfish. You have kids and don’t work; you don’t have a “real job.” You breastfeed in public; you are tempting men. You have trouble conceiving; you’re obsessed with getting pregnant. Your grown children become addicts; you were a terrible mom. Everything from what you wear to what you drive becomes a basis for judgment. Frankly, most of the women that I know who talk about this feel so many conflicting feelings that it is hard for us to just be who we are. Motherhood, or the lack of it, is the very essence of life and the epitome of dying.
To add to this culture of shame, churches have decided to make the second Sunday of May the second coming of motherhood. Let me tell you, it is awful. Don’t get me wrong, I celebrate and encourage my friends with children. I cheer them on and love their little ones. I think motherhood is a glorious calling and blessing. In fact, I work with families as party of my job, and I love being able to encourage parents about getting their families through hardship. I just don’t think that my weekly time with God in corporate worship is the venue for venerating anyone but God.
When I was younger and motherhood was in the future, I didn’t notice how churches handled these cultural holidays. Then, it happened, one year, I was sitting on a pew, the celebrations of moms had been going on for the better part of the service, and our pastor asked all the mothers to stand for applause. I remained in my seat and never felt more barren in my whole life. I felt like a complete failure as a woman. There was no carnation for me. No applause. No entire service dedicated to my ability to bring a child into the world. No retrospective video. Apparently, God doesn’t give up his podium for barren women. I have not attended a Mother’s Day service since.
Frankly, as Christians, I think we could learn a lot from the Jehovah’s Witnesses in this regard. Women come in all shapes and sizes. Some have one kid, some ten. Some have none. Together, women do so much for our world and yet women are divided into categories and isolated so easily. It is shameful of the church. The Sermon on the Mount, teaches us to go find and minister to the lost, the grieving, the hurting, the barren, so why have we allowed churches to be swayed by culture. Mother’s Day is a cultural holiday, not religious. It has become a cultural war for women to navigate when it should at best be a private celebration within families. It has gotten to the point where I have been wished “Happy Mother’s Day” in restaurants and stores. While I just move on, can you imagine how it would feel to have that happen if you just had a miscarriage, abortion, or failed at IVF for the 5th time? Ugh. It breaks my heart. It is hard enough in public, but it shouldn’t be happening in church. We are playing to only one crowd when we do this is church. That crowd, who was able to follow the “Biblical Plan for Womanhood,” whatever that is, aren’t who Jesus came to be with and to heal. He came for the barren, the hopeless, the IVF failures, and those who made the hard choice to abort a child. We are creating extra work for Christ by wounding hearts during church, which is not the God Christ was teaching.
I have heard the stories of women who have been so damaged by church that they cannot return. It is hard enough getting through the diminishment of our gender due to bad theology, but now the church goes after us for biology too. It doesn’t seem Christlike to me. So, I have made the choice not to participate on this day, and I know that the God who judges hearts knows that my poor attendance on the 2nd Sunday in May is not out of lack of love for Him, but instead out of love for my sisters and myself.
